I am someone who struggles with debilitating fear. Let’s just say I’m afraid a lot of the time.
My fear has been of the debilitating kind more than it has been the everyday-still-functional kind. But in recent years, on my journey of self-acceptance and prioritizing self-care, I’ve noticed I’ve been getting a bit better with my fear. When I say better, I’m talking about the ability to go about my everyday tasks without fear stopping me. When I’m able to get into my car and drive, for instance, that’s a huge sign to me that I’ve got a better handle on my fear.
I started to reflect on how and why – why is it that my fear has gotten less forceful? How did this happen? Was there something I did that helped? I reflected for two reasons. One, because the more self-aware I am, the better equipped I can be to continue on this positive track. Two, and more importantly to me, I wanted to understand it so that I could share it with you.
For so long, I was ashamed of my fear. I tried my best to hide it – even though hiding your own personal hell in your mind is a really difficult thing to do. I still would try every minute of every day. And it was exhausting. And you know what else, it only led to more fear – fear of being judged for having fear. It was a vicious cycle. Until I found this beautiful place.
Starting this blog completely changed my life; it provided me with an opportunity to share some of my most vulnerable parts with others. And through this, I’ve been able to learn that there are so many others out there who are going through something similar. And I’m able to learn from all of you. We can support each other.
I hope this post serves as a reminder to you that you are not alone. I completely understand what you’re going through. And I’m right there with you fighting to be a healthier, happier me.
As I sat down to write this post and reflected on my recent experiences with fear, I started to notice three common themes.
DISCLAIMER: The information provided on this blog is written from personal and lived experience. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for, nor does it replace, professional mental health services, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns or questions about your health or mental health, you should always consult with a healthcare professional.
Here are 3 ways I learned how to overcome my fear.
# 1 – The less stressed out I am, the less fear I have
My fear tends to be most debilitating when I’m already overwhelmed. At the peak of my burnout, my fear was at its worst. It was as though the physical and mental exhaustion I was feeling only exacerbated my fear. The stress and anxiety I was feeling led to increased negative and irrational self-talk, which led to increased negative and irrational fear. When my mental state was unhealthy, my fear was thriving.
And then I started taking better care of myself. And over time I noticed that the healthier I felt mentally, the stronger I began to feel, and the less fear controlled me. My thoughts were less negative and more rational, which meant I was able to work through a fearful thought in my mind. The fear no longer stopped me from moving forward.
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR, THE TAKEAWAY
Work on managing your stress, practicing self-care, and notice how your fear begins to change
# 2 – The less I avoid a fearful situation, the less fear I have
When my fear is working its magic, it’s trying to get me to avoid anything and everything that is causing it. And unfortunately, with debilitating fear, ANYthing and EVERYthing is causing it.
Fear is telling me to avoid getting out of the house, to avoid getting on that plane, to avoid going for that job interview – and the list goes on and on. Fear wants me to avoid it all. Then what? You avoid it all and then what? You would think the fear would disappear, but NOPE – it remains and gets stronger and stronger.
Avoiding things only leads to more fear and more anxiety. I know many of us have learned this or read about it, and of course like most things, it’s all easier said than done. But, it’s been my experience that each time I have pushed myself to do something my fear wants me to avoid, I have felt better about myself, more confident, and less fear.
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR, THE TAKEAWAY
Try your very best to do the things your fear is making you avoid, and notice the ways your fear begins to change
Related: THE SELF-HELP BOOK ABOUT FEAR THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
# 3 – The less I doubt my ability to handle something, the less fear I have
Why do we feel fear? Well, because we fear we can’t handle what’s to come. Fear comes from feeling inadequate.
How do we overcome this feeling? Well, by trusting in our ability to handle any and everything that comes our way.
Here’s the truth: when I believe, in my gut, that I will be okay no matter what happens, my fear instantly diminishes. And this didn’t just happen overnight for me. I had to work on reducing my self-doubt. This all started by practicing self-care and making my wellness a priority. I used positive affirmations to help me build my confidence as well.
The healthier I began to feel, the more my sense of self-worth grew. And over time, I started to believe more and more in my ability to handle anything that comes my way. And it’s been an empowering place to be in, where fear doesn’t run the show.
HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR, THE TAKEAWAY
Work on believing that you are capable of handling anything that comes your way, and notice the ways your fear begins to change
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