What COVID-19 Taught Me — We’ve all been hit hard by this pandemic. Many lives have been lost, and it’s brought on a type of fear that many of us haven’t felt before, an almost indescribable fear. It’s a new kind of fear, one that’s ongoing.
As humans, we fear the unknown. And COVID-19 is ALL unknown.
I’m also someone who struggles with depression. This pandemic has changed my depression. It’s added a degree of intensity to the feelings of hopelessness and sadness that come around when I’m in the midst of my depression.
But here’s what I’ve learned about my depression. It helps me to feel it.
For so long, I tried to ignore it and kept going about my days like everything was fine. This, of course, only hurt me more and actually contributed to my total burnout a few years back. But when I allow myself to feel it, that darkness tends to pass quicker. And when I say feel it, I don’t mean welcome it with open arms and let it bulldoze right through me. I mean, I let it sit down beside me, and I listen. When I do this, I start to better understand my triggers and how to get through them. I start to learn. And for me, there’s power in learning.
This year has seen many bad days for many of us. And I won’t pretend to even understand the degree of pain and loss so many around the world have felt. All I can do is speak my truth, about what has helped me during this time; how I’ve tried to reignite the hope within me. And, for me, it helps to be open to learning. To question; to be open to the lessons and the takeaways that could possibly be. (As difficult as they are to find)
COVID-19 has taught me many things. And I’m still learning each day. Learning helps me get through my dark days, which is why I wanted to start to document what I’ve learned here. I say start because I hope to continue this diary as a way of practicing self-care.
Today, I wanted to start with the very first thing COVID-19 has taught me, and that is to live in the moment; to be fully present.
As a perfectionist, I was always the planner and the one who wanted to feel in control at all times. I wanted to be perfect, which meant I would imagine every single scenario of things that could go wrong, and I would plan for each of them. I always had a back-up plan (more like 2 or 3!) and an answer for everything. I had my days, weeks, and months colour coordinated. And a schedule I strictly followed. I did all this as a way to cope with my anxiety.
And then COVID-19 stripped me of all of this. And now, it’s almost comical to think of a world where I can plan in that same way.
We plan, God laughs.
I have a whole new understanding of this now.
But I’m learning that underneath the fear, there’s a type of beauty in the unknown. Something that feels really freeing.
I’m learning that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. It’s okay to go with the flow and to just be. No use in stressing over the things I can’t control, and I can’t control very much right now.
Our world is changing daily. So, we have no choice but to live in this very moment. That’s all we have.
I have never been as present, or lived in the moment, as much as I have after COVID-19. This was my first lesson.
What’s one thing COVID-19 has taught you?
Thanks for stopping by today, friends. xx, Amanda
Disclaimer: The information provided on this blog is written from personal and lived experience. You should not rely on this information as a substitute for, nor does it replace professional mental health services, medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns or questions about your health or mental health, you should always consult with a health-care professional. // If you are depressed, or your overwhelm is severely interfering with your life, please seek out support from a therapist, physician, or other health-care professional.